Space to Lead

Welcome to episode 16 of Space to Lead. I am your host, David Leblanc. Today I wanted to shift gears a bit and talk about something that came up in a recent episode. A guest used the word sissy. Now, that's a word that might not mean much to some people, but for others, and maybe for yourself, it might land heavy, it might carry a lot of history, memory, even pain.
And that reaction happened for a few of our listeners. One note in particular caught my attention when a man reached out to express his frustration. I can't believe you did not address immediately when it was said, or at a minimum edited out very offensive language for me as a gay man, it was an interesting response for me as I'm also a gay man and have a long relationship with the word sissy.
What happens when we pause in those moments, when we notice our [00:01:00] reaction before we judge? That's what I'd like us to sit with today.
Welcome to Space to Lead the podcast where leaders and teams come together to learn, grow, and thrive. Each episode brings fresh insights and real conversations with leaders and industry experts who are shaping the future of leadership.
We explore strategies to build dynamic, engaging cultures, whether you're leading from the front or making an impact within your team. So take a deep breath, make some space, and let's lead together.
Let me tell you a bit more about what happened. When my guests used the word sissy on air, I noticed a little voice, recognized it and said, wait, is that okay?
We don't use that word anymore. But then I thought, why am I reacting this way? Is it because the word itself is always harmful or is it because of my own history with it? And I chose in that moment to continue our conversation as planned. As a child, I was bullied [00:02:00] relentlessly and sissy was one of those go-to insults.
It was meant to shame, to put me in a box to say, you are weak, you're not man enough. And for a boy who already felt different already sensed he didn't fit in the mold. The word stung, the word showed up for me at home, at school, and at church. I vividly recall one instant and how it impacted me. Our church had meetings throughout the week and in one of those meetings, members of the congregation would give talks as part of the ministry school.
I was young and I hadn't done it yet. Um, I was around eight or nine and. I remember talking to one of the elders expressing my interest, and I referenced a girl the same age who had recently delivered a talk. I'd like it to be easy. Like Leanne. I said his response like a girl, are you a sissy? There were already so many conflicting emotions I felt at that age knowing [00:03:00] I was different and that what I was feeling wasn't acceptable in my church, and this brief moment hit really hard.
How did he know the thoughts I was having, the struggles that I was facing. So when I hear it now, decades later, my body still remembers my reaction's, personal, and yet I know that same word is used playfully in other communities, sometimes it's proclaimed, sometimes it's said with affection. This is the complexity of language, meaning isn't fixed and it lives in relationships, so context really matters.
I experience this every day with my 9-year-old twins who affectionately refer to each other as sissy. Words like sissy don't appear out of nowhere and they carry history. That word itself does come from sister, and often it was used to imply weakness by comparing a man to a woman over time it evolved and it became a slur aimed at boys and men who didn't fit traditional ideas of masculinity [00:04:00] and particularly directed at people in the LGBTQ plus community.
So, yes. There's a history of harm there, and that history doesn't disappear just because someone uses the word casually or with humor, but words also evolve. Think about words like queer. For a long time it was a cruel insult. However, today many people proudly claim it as identity. Language shifts. It gets reclaimed and it takes on new life.
So which is it? Is sissy always harmful or can it sometimes be harmless and even endearing? Like in the case of my girls, the answer's complicated. And that's why the pause is so important. When we hear a word that triggers something in us, our nervous system reacts, fight, flight, freeze. It all happens before we even think.
And that's why pausing matters because in that pause I can ask, is this about me? About my story, or is this about the word [00:05:00] itself and the impact that it might have on others? Here's a simple framework I try to use first, notice your reaction. Where are you feeling it? Is it in your chest, your gut, your jaw?
Then ask yourself, what's this really about? Is it a personal memory, cultural history, or the actual intention of the speaker? And then finally decide, do I respond? Do I name it? Or can I just let it go? That moment of reflection gives us choice. Without it, we're just reacting with it. We can respond with more clarity and more humanity.
Let's pause here and I'm gonna turn this over to you. What words push your buttons? What words make you wanna jump in and correct someone immediately? And when that happens, what's really going on inside of you? Is it about the word itself or about what the word has meant in your own life? Take a moment to really think about that.
Here's another question. [00:06:00] Have you ever judged someone for the words they used only to realize later they meant no harm, or maybe their intention was different than your interpretation? That space between intention and impact is tricky and it's where so much misunderstanding lives. This is where culture comes in as well.
We, we live in a time when certain words are being questioned, challenged, even canceled sometimes for good reason. Sometimes though, perhaps a little bit too quickly. On one hand, protecting people from harm is important because words can be violent. They can exclude, they can reinforce systems of power and prejudice.
On the other hand, shutting down every word without dialogue doesn't always create understanding. Sometimes it creates silence, resentment, and fear. So how do we balance it? How do we hold space for both truth and grace? Maybe the answer isn't in making a list of forbidden words. Maybe it's in practicing curiosity, [00:07:00] asking, what's this word doing here in this moment?
What impact is it having and what conversation could it open up? So here's my invitation to you. The next time a word catches you off guard. Don't rush to judgment. Notice your reaction. Pause. Ask yourself, is this about me? About history, about the speaker, or is it about the culture that we live in? You may not land on one clear answer, and that's absolutely okay.
The pause itself is powerful. It gives us room to respond with more compassion, more honesty, and maybe even more courage. Words can be powerful. They can wound, but they also can heal. They can divide, but they can also build bridges. Let's use 'em wisely, and when in doubt, pause. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of Space to Lead.
If this conversation stirred something in you, I'd love to hear your story. What words carry power for you? Drop me an note or connect online because this is the kind of [00:08:00] dialogue we need not to cancel each other, but to understand each other.